Memories
Bowling in local leagues is generally a pleasurable experience whoever we play against. Sometimes it is more pleasurable than others but you are usually paired up with like-minded individuals who enjoy the sport whether you win or lose. That is certainly the case with the older generation of bowlers as we know our capabilities, don't always have the ambitions or egos of the younger elements of our communities and are just grateful to be outside enjoying the sport.
However, on occasions, we play against an individual who may not be of the same mindset and can be hard work to play against. Not because they are a better bowler but because they have some bad sporting habits that they have brought on to the green with them this day. We have all come across them. They are the type that want to win at all costs and will go to great lengths to achieve that objective regardless of the misery and reputation that goes with that approach.
For example there is the moaner. The guy who doesn't seem to enjoy bowling and you wonder what on earth they are doing being there at all. He turns up with a face that betrays his feelings and looks like it is in the throws of swallowing a wasp. The guy who doesn't like the weather, hates this green, doesn't feel too well and his team captain hates him. I've got news for this bowler, I hate him as well, as probably do his teammates and anyone in earshot of his moans and groans.
There are other genes at work here, not just the moaner element to contend with. I have compiled this fictional character I will call Colin who has all the bad traits of bowling that I have come across and they all fit into Colin's hate of the game. You all know a Colin that fits into this mode and they may even be one of your team's numbers.
I personally love it when Colin starts to moan especially about the green we are playing on today. This is not all that unusual to visitors to my home club green at Kirkheaton Cons. The postage stamp size green isn't to everyone's liking but those who declare their disgust for our green before even stepping on to it is going to get my anger up. But more importantly than that they are going to raise my hopes that they have almost conceded defeat before the first jack is bowled. They are looking for a way out to excuse their expected result. Their negative approach is music to my ears in that they are more worried about the green than they are about me.
When I give Colin a good thrashing, I always count a win to single figures to be a good thrashing except when I am on the wrong end of that scoreline, and then I hear Colin explaining that he had no luck at all today and the green did him no favours and sharing that view with his teammates and gives me no credit at all for the outcome then I really don't like Colin at all.
There are other Colin indicators such as the really unsporting habit of demanding a wood be played back to him after hitting a stationary wood from another game yards away from the path to the jack that Colin is aiming at. Most bowlers would disown such a misdirected wood but Colin wants it back to try again. Not one of my multiple personalities likes Colin at this stage and I have now reached the point in my life when I need a stronger noun than bastard to express my real feelings.
As I said Colin is a fictional character who has a personality comprised of all the bad sporting elements which disgust me. This inevitably includes the fiasco around the after-match drink offer. It is traditional at evening or Saturday afternoon matches that the game winner offers to buy his losing opponent a drink. It is accepted practice that if you take up that offer the losing player will return the offer half-an hour later. Not Colin. He drinks his first pint and then goes AWOL. There is no way that he is going to return the drink offer and although he may still be at the match he will have disappeared into the clubhouse or ensures that he remains at the direct opposite point around the green to his opponent.
There are even more bad habits such as losing the thumb/finger guide from his vocabulary. He will claim that he showed you the bias and it is up to you to see it. He claims it is not up to him to tell you what it is. So petty and so riling! Then Colin likes to talk. Nothing wrong with that except he times it when you are about to bowl your first wood. Or maybe he is regaling you with his medical record and recalling all the illnesses he has endured over the years. This is not bowling as you or I know it.
What I really don't like is that I wont confront Colin face-on about his behavior. Most of us prefer to avoid bad feelings and confrontational moments are to be skirted around. I admire those who take it within their stride and easily find the words to humiliate their Colins. Some days the words will come to me but that will be 15 minutes after they should have been applied.
I comfort myself in the sure knowledge that Colin is a very unpopular man not just by his opponents but by his more rational and reasonable teammates who will share their views on him from a safe distance. But most of all I feel really sorry for Colin. A man who spends his leisure time moaning and groaning and finding fault with everything in life except himself gets my sympathy but nothing else. Don't be a Colin. You decided to become a bowler, enjoy it.
Комментарии